Struggling

Well today I've been really struggling. Not because I'm hungry but because I'm not hungry. After a dreadful night where I couldn't get to sleep until around 3am I finally woke up at midday. Decided to have a shake at about 13.30 but had to force it down as I didn't really want it.

Later I decided to go shopping for a few things needed round the flat and a measuring jug and whisk to help with preparing food. I went to the super massive Tesco's and actually found it really easy ignoring the food. I didn't really crave any of it though I did make sure I went down as few food isles as possible. Got myself some lovely boots as well. One thing that really annoys me is I can't get any boots over ankle length, my thighs are just too fat. One thing I am really looking forward to when I've lost the weight is knowing that I'll be able to go into any shop I like and just pick some boots or clothes up and know they'll fit. Not having to say I can't have boots or searching around at the very back of the clothes to try and find something in my size.

After my little shop I came home and sorted out what revision I need to do for my exam on Wednesday. Then I did I lovely little tidy of my room which now looks better having moved some stuff around.

The problem I had though is that I just couldn't face having another food pack. I've drunk a couple of glasses of water and Dr Pepper Zero but as soon as I thought of eating or having a shake I was just really put off. Finally managed to get one down at about 21.30 but I struggled even then. I only had that because I knew I had to. I'm meant to be on 3 packs a day at around 400 calories. Today I've probably only managed 250 calories. I know that I'm going to have to try better tomorrow to have all 3 as otherwise I just won't be getting the nutrients I require. I'm really hoping that once I'm back in lectures at uni, with the routine of a normal day, I will find it easier to have all 3. I just need to make sure I don't go from horrendous over eating to under eating. I want to get thin, not become anorexic.

It's New Years Eve today and like most of them I'm not doing anything. I'm currently back in halls but no-one else is yet so not even anyone here. I don't really mind as going out drinking was never my favourite thing. It's actually quite nice here at the moment as it's so quiet. The only annoying thing is the laundrette's closed so unable to do any laundry.

As a finish to this message I would like to wish any readers a Happy and Healthy New Year.

Day 3 - All is well

Well today has been day 3 of the diet. I don't think I'm in ketosis yet, however, I've not really been hungry. Started off today with a chocolate shake but after 2 hours of drinking it I gave up with about an 1/8 left to go. A dark chocolate truffa bar was next which I nibbled on over about an hour. Finally I made myself some chicken soup which was really nice (if rather powdery) but I couldn't face any more after having half of it. I know that I should be eating everything from each 'meal' but I just can't face it. I don't know how people manage 4 or even 5 packs a day.

It's really odd that I've gone like this because before I started I was eating pretty much none stop. I loved my cheese sandwiches, especially grated cheese, and could easily get through a loaf of bread and block of cheese in a day. Yes one single day. Just before starting this diet that was pretty much all I ate. I just couldn't be bothered to make anything more complicated. I think my problem has been of a long time that I just can't be bothered. I just don't want to wait 30 minutes for something decent to cook when I can make a sandwich in 2 minutes. I know as well it's because I don't drink enough water. I don't drink so when my body sends that signal says 'drink' I confuse it with 'eat'.

Another problem is that of boredom eating. When I get bored I eat. When I am avoiding other things, I eat. I know I should do some exercise or something useful in this boredom time instead of eating but no, as a lazy so and so I just eat. I really hope that by not being able to eat I'll find other things to fill my time with so that when I go back onto food I don't have that need to boredom eat. I also hope that by upping my exercise I'll have more energy to put into making better meals.

I actually can't wait for my gym to open on the 5th. I'll probably be there checking it out on the first or second day. I honestly feel like weight training might be something I can stick at. Whenever I've gone to the gym before I've always tried cardio and hated it and felt useless at it. Cardio is a thin person's game. But weight training. Weight training is anyone's territory. You can look at some of the best weight lifters in the world and most of them aren't teeny tiny little things. They are proper people who are well build but in the right way. I also can't wait to start as I know by doing weight's I will increase my strength which will only help me in my job.

Hopefully, I'll be in ketosis tomorrow although as long as I don't stop feeling like this going into it isn't too bad!

In Shock

Currently I'm in shock. I have just realised how truly large I really am. As an explanation, I was looking on an internet forum and one girl was asking if her thighs were large for her size (8-10). Due to this people of a similar size were posting posting their measurements.

The measurements for the average size 8 seemed to come out as:

Chest - 33"

Waist - 25"

Hips - 33"

Thighs - 21"

Calves - 14"

That would mean for me to be a size 8 I would need to LOSE:

Chest - 15"

Waist - 24"

Hips - 20"

Thighs - 9"

Calves - 6"

Just seeing that in black and white has really really shocked me and made me realise how much I need to lose this weight. I can't believe what I have done to myself, however, I am now more determined than ever to get my stats down for the last time.

We have begun!

Well the diet has started! Day number one hasn't been easy, especially as my first 2 shakes weren't the right one's for my diet (they were all I had at the time) and when I went to make one of the diets cottage pie meals it turned out my microwave has broken so I ended up with another shake. Just starting to get the carbs withdrawal headache so I know tomorrow is going to be hell. Bring on ketosis!

Below I've put my stats at the start of this journey. I will (hopefully) do them every week on a Wednesday morning. The measurements may end up waiting till the evening though. I really can't wait to get these stats down and into a normal range!

Beginning stats

Weight - 261lb

Neck - 42cm

Shoulders - 118cm

Chest - 121cm

Waist - 124cm

Hips - 136cm

Forearms - 32cm

Biceps - 41cm

Thighs - 77cm

Calf's - 52cm

Why a VLCD?

I have been over weight for as long as I can remember. It was never really a problem until I got really bad depression, had to leave uni, and was unemployed. Over 8 months of being by myself with no money to go out I gained about 4 stone. I went back to live with my parents where I got a job, joined Slimming World and lost almost 2 stone. However, I was then laid off and over a month of being unemployed I struggled with food. I got a new job but it meant I had no control over my food often grabbing food from garages and the like making it hard to stick to my diet. I stayed in Slimming World until September this year when I went to uni but other than the occasional good weight loss I never got my head back into it.

So at uni I started putting on more weight. Really not what I needed! So I did some soul searching and realised some major things. The main one was that I was addicted to food. At the time I was a smoker looking at quit. It's hard to quit smoking, any smoker who has tried (successfully or not) will tell you that. But as an ex-smoker you never have to touch a cigarette again. You can get the cravings but as long as you don't give in you need never have another cigarette again. With my addiction to food I couldn't do that. I will always have to eat. But as I had such a bad relationship with food I knew I somehow needed a 'reset'. A way to get rid of food for a bit so I could try and rework my brain.

I started searching the internet and came up with VLCD's. It was something I had never really considered as I will admit I thought it was a quick fix and would never work. I had also thought in the past that I would never be able to cope with a diet where I couldn't eat. But I knew that this time it would be perfect for me. If I went on a VLCD I could lose some weight and work on my relationship with food.

I came up with a plan. I decided to do the VLCD (whilst doing weights to stop loose skin) and once I was near my target I would enter food from the Atkins diet. Once I was fully on food I would go back to Slimming World for those last few pounds and weight maintenance.

So, tomorrow is d-day. I actually can't wait to start.

Almost time to start

Well Christmas day has just finished and it's not been too bad. One of the main things for me though is that I am one day closer to starting my diet and weights program. Sounds mad but I'm so excited.

Today I signed up for the gym. It doesn't open till the 5th so got a little while to wait on that front. However, the diet start on Wednesday. I won't have the proper meal replacement meals until the evening however I have 2 others for breakfast and lunch. Only problem is going to be the amount of water I'll want to drink and the fact I'm going on a 4 hour drive back to uni.

At uni I have an exam right at the beginning of January. I wish I could stay at home longer but I just can't revise at home so off to uni it is. I was going to go on holiday from Boxing Day to New Years Day but had to cancel thanks to this exam. Life sucks sometimes.

Anyway hopefully an update on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Bloggish

Hello!

So this is my millionth attempt to upkeep a blog. I really am useless at them. Hopefully though I might be able to keep it up this time!

Ok, so a bit about me. I am currently 21 years old and a student Paramedic. In the past I have done a number of things including waitressing, working in a warehouse and home care. I've always wanted to work in health care but for years I wasn't really sure what as. When I got to my A levels I realised I didn't have the dedication to my school work at the time to get the grades to be a doctor so that was out of the question. I had always loved first aid and the idea of being the first on scene helping someone. One day when looking through the UCAS course list I came across undergraduate Paramedic courses. That was it. From then on I wanted nothing else but to be a Paramedic. Roll down the line a few years (including ups, downs and numerous mistakes) and I finally got on a Paramedic course. I'm now currently in my first year of study and so far I love it. There is still a long way to go though before I can officially call myself a Paramedic.

Anyway it's coming up to Christmas and as such I've been thinking about what I want to achieve in the New Year. I know, new years resolutions. No-one ever keeps them right? This time I really hope that doesn't happen. My current plans for the new year are to loose weight and gain strength. As such from just after Christmas I will be going on a diet and I'm joining a gym so that I can start doing free weights. I have always wanted to do weights but been nervous about looking like an idiot with no idea what I'm doing. The gym I'm joining is open 24 hours so I can go when no-one else is there!

On this blog I'm going to try and record my weight losses and strength gains. I might also put some other stuff up on here as well.

Talk soon!