I'm still here and going strong!

Just realised I haven't posted on here in ages.

Well I'm still here and still dieting! Just done my week 3 weigh in and all is going well.

Week 1 I lost 12lb and left the 18's! Good bye 18's I hope to never see you again. Weight 17st 11lb

Week 2 I lost 5.5lb Weight 17st 5.5lb

Week 3 I lost 4lb Weight 17st 1.5lb

So I've now lost over 1st 7lb!! So happy to see that as it feels like a real milestone. Hopefully next week it will be bye bye 17's and I'll finally be back in the 16's, not for long though as I plan on being in the 15's quick sharp.

Annoyingly although I have lost the weight the inches just aren't going. I do feel slimmer but when I measure it's the same week after week :( Fingers crossed I'll have a woosh in the next week or two and look slimmer. However, looking at my face it does seem to have come off there as I no longer have a double chin!

On a note totally unrelated to slimming I have been house hunting for the next academic year. For various reasons I've decided that instead of living in a student house I would rather live in a professional house and for the most part this will mean leaving the house hunting for a while longer yet. However, went and looked at one today and it was really nice. Good room (if a bit small for the price) in a nice quiet house and really close to the uni. Plus as bills are included I wouldn't have to worry about that. Also with no contract I can stay there as long or short as I want. Hopefully going to go and look again later this week / early next week before making a decision.

Anyway I will try and keep this updated a bit more!

I've done ok

Well first day back at uni today and I think I've done ok. Drank about a litre of water at uni however was getting a bit dry mouthed. Topped it up since I've been home and now fine. At lunch time everyone decided to go to the pub (nightmare!) and I had to sit there and watch them all eat delicious looking pub lunches. They even had criss cross chips which looked amazing and I so wanted to try but I resisted. Had my first bar at lunch and that was very scrummy.

Have been having really bad lower abdominal cramps the last 2 days not diet related) which have been really confusing my body as to whether it was hungry. Lucky me found out that I had no pain killers left so was stuck with them. Still not managed to get any but plan to pick some up at the chemist tomorrow.

Got so much stuff on tomorrow. I get to start the day off with an exam on Bioscience, after this a load of us are going ice skating in the town's 'Winter Wonderland'. Then it's a quick trip to the doctors to get some more meds before heading back to uni to take part in a course reps meeting. After all that I've got to try and find a garage who might be willing to fix my car for me. Oh and do some laundry. Really need to do some laundry. So it's going to be busy busy busy. Currently planning on having my first meal at lunch but really can't decide if I should have it before my exam. Think I might leave it as they tend to make me feel hungry and I don't want to spend the entire exam wishing I could eat (then blowing the diet at the fair).

First weigh day tomorrow so we'll see how this diet is doing for me. Hope I'll be out the 18's forever and that I'll be a decent way into the 17's however any loss is a good loss! Will let you know what the final answer is tomorrow!

Random

Not really much to update today.

Was very happy yesterday as someone wanted to use my 'Why are we fat' on their website.

Did much better yesterday than the day before. Managed to have all my sachets for a start! I tried out one of the new flavours they've brought in and it was just so lovely!! I actually ended up scraping out my shaker to make sure I got it all. Never thought I would be doing that.

Today is going well so far, had one shake and plan to have the rest later. It's getting busier round here again as all the healthcare students move back in but I expect the regular students won't be back until at least next week.

Now planned to go ice skating on Wednesday after my exam which should be ... interesting. Haven't been in years and I was never very good at it then. I'm actually looking forward to going back to uni tomorrow just to have some sort of structure back in my life again. It's going to feel pretty full on though.

Back on my weight loss I did a sneaky weigh in this morning and so far 10.5lb down! Can't wait for my official weigh in on Wednesday now. I'm really hoping to make it 14lb but even if I don't it will be bye-bye 18stone. Never to be seen on the scales again!! Can't wait till I can say goodbye to the 17's now. Fingers crossed it will be in the next few weeks.

Why are we fat? (And a poem)

I think when we're overweight we find it really hard to say no to food that is offered to us. We think that by saying no, leaving something on our plates, or giving food back, we will insult people. The truth is people will be proud of you if you can say no.

Look at those people that we're all jealous of because they're 'naturally skinny'. The only difference with them is that they can say no! No thank you I don't want that chocolate bar. Thank you but I'll leave the rest of that as I'm full now.

By even considering giving back the chocolate bar your mind is going into 'slim' mode which is it's natural setting. It's only societies pressure's that has taken us out of this. I mean how many people on here were told they couldn't leave the table until their plate was empty? It's something that has been so ingrained into us it's hard to stop.

The problem is that when the portions get bigger, and we still can't say no, we get bigger, and bigger, and bigger. It's something that is really hard to stop though.

You can almost think of that inability to stop as an addiction to saying yes. Yes I will have that cake, that chocolate bar, that dessert. You can be told what harm your addiction is doing to you but to start with you just can't see it. That addiction to 'yes' is ruling your life. That addiction to yes could give you diabetes, a heart attack, a stroke. That addiction to yes could quite literally kill you. But yes is everything.

How often do you sit there and all you can think about is that next yes? Yes to McDonalds for lunch. Yes to that bar of chocolate from the shop. Yes, yes, yes!

Now compare that to your next no. No I don't want to finish that McDonalds. No I don't want that chocolate bar from the shops. No is like the nicotine patch to your yes. And you don't really want that nicotine patch because yes just makes you so happy. For a short time.

The problem is when you look back and realise you have a problem. The thing is you don't want to admit that yes is that problem so you'll deny the problem. Put it to the back of your mind and pretend you're happy, whilst all along it's niggling at you.

There is a different thing for each of us that eventually make's us face up to our addiction. Make's us stand up and take notice. For some it will be their kids, watching them grow up but being unable to go out there and play with them like you want to. For some it's seeing the final results of a yes addiction, whether in a friend, family member, or themselves. For some it will just be that that niggling has gotten so insistent it can no longer be ignored. It's different for all of us.

Now here the problem lies. Yes is an addiction, but we can't give it up. Not entirely. Other addictions, smoking, drugs and the like, can all be stopped completely. But we will have to eat for the rest of our lives. No getting away from it. So now we face the hardest task ever. Facing that addiction, and beating it.

Again different people will take different approaches to this. Some can fight addiction while still eating normal foods, whilst some will take the food replacement option. Which ever option is taken though you have to work on that addiction, because if you don't, it will just bite you in the ass. The weight loss programs we embark upon when fighting this addiction often only provide half the battle plan. They will tell us what to eat and when. They will tell us where we can say that beloved yes. But we have to have the strength and willing in ourselves to say that other word. No. We have to say no to the foods that have got us where we are. And we have to remember that when is diet is done we need to keep saying no. No, no, no.

When fighting our addiction of yes we need to look at those people who aren't addicted. The skinny people. We need to look at how they think about food and how they use their yes's and no's. One thing that is often noticed is that no is used a lot. They don't want to finish their meal as they're full so they say no. They aren't hungry so they say no to that chocolate bar. Not because they are thinking about it but because they have formed a habit where no is just part of life. If they aren't hungry it's a no.

For us to reach our goal, and more importantly, stay there, we need to work on that no. Just say it now. NO! At the end of the day, if we can't learn to say no we can't learn to live. No is the antidote to the venom of yes. Without that antidote we will always have yes ruling our lives.

So it's out with constant yes, and in with a good balance of no. Every one can do it. It's not going to be easy but one day, we will get there.






And my poem as I love it:

Twas the Night before Slim and Save, And all through the house
Nothing was stirring, Not even a mouse
The sachets were laid On the counter with care
All in the hope A flat tum soon would be there

The slimmers were nestled, All snug in their beds
While pictures of food Danced around in their heads
Chocolate and crisps and sugar buns too
Had just disappeared right off the menu.

When over the lawn there came such a clatter
I jumped from my bed to see what was the matter
The postman was here and a parcel had he
Another weeks worth of sachets he did have for me

Handing over my package he jumped in his van
And away he did zoom so much faster than man
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight
Happy Slimming to all, And to all a good night!

Struggling

Well today I've been really struggling. Not because I'm hungry but because I'm not hungry. After a dreadful night where I couldn't get to sleep until around 3am I finally woke up at midday. Decided to have a shake at about 13.30 but had to force it down as I didn't really want it.

Later I decided to go shopping for a few things needed round the flat and a measuring jug and whisk to help with preparing food. I went to the super massive Tesco's and actually found it really easy ignoring the food. I didn't really crave any of it though I did make sure I went down as few food isles as possible. Got myself some lovely boots as well. One thing that really annoys me is I can't get any boots over ankle length, my thighs are just too fat. One thing I am really looking forward to when I've lost the weight is knowing that I'll be able to go into any shop I like and just pick some boots or clothes up and know they'll fit. Not having to say I can't have boots or searching around at the very back of the clothes to try and find something in my size.

After my little shop I came home and sorted out what revision I need to do for my exam on Wednesday. Then I did I lovely little tidy of my room which now looks better having moved some stuff around.

The problem I had though is that I just couldn't face having another food pack. I've drunk a couple of glasses of water and Dr Pepper Zero but as soon as I thought of eating or having a shake I was just really put off. Finally managed to get one down at about 21.30 but I struggled even then. I only had that because I knew I had to. I'm meant to be on 3 packs a day at around 400 calories. Today I've probably only managed 250 calories. I know that I'm going to have to try better tomorrow to have all 3 as otherwise I just won't be getting the nutrients I require. I'm really hoping that once I'm back in lectures at uni, with the routine of a normal day, I will find it easier to have all 3. I just need to make sure I don't go from horrendous over eating to under eating. I want to get thin, not become anorexic.

It's New Years Eve today and like most of them I'm not doing anything. I'm currently back in halls but no-one else is yet so not even anyone here. I don't really mind as going out drinking was never my favourite thing. It's actually quite nice here at the moment as it's so quiet. The only annoying thing is the laundrette's closed so unable to do any laundry.

As a finish to this message I would like to wish any readers a Happy and Healthy New Year.

Day 3 - All is well

Well today has been day 3 of the diet. I don't think I'm in ketosis yet, however, I've not really been hungry. Started off today with a chocolate shake but after 2 hours of drinking it I gave up with about an 1/8 left to go. A dark chocolate truffa bar was next which I nibbled on over about an hour. Finally I made myself some chicken soup which was really nice (if rather powdery) but I couldn't face any more after having half of it. I know that I should be eating everything from each 'meal' but I just can't face it. I don't know how people manage 4 or even 5 packs a day.

It's really odd that I've gone like this because before I started I was eating pretty much none stop. I loved my cheese sandwiches, especially grated cheese, and could easily get through a loaf of bread and block of cheese in a day. Yes one single day. Just before starting this diet that was pretty much all I ate. I just couldn't be bothered to make anything more complicated. I think my problem has been of a long time that I just can't be bothered. I just don't want to wait 30 minutes for something decent to cook when I can make a sandwich in 2 minutes. I know as well it's because I don't drink enough water. I don't drink so when my body sends that signal says 'drink' I confuse it with 'eat'.

Another problem is that of boredom eating. When I get bored I eat. When I am avoiding other things, I eat. I know I should do some exercise or something useful in this boredom time instead of eating but no, as a lazy so and so I just eat. I really hope that by not being able to eat I'll find other things to fill my time with so that when I go back onto food I don't have that need to boredom eat. I also hope that by upping my exercise I'll have more energy to put into making better meals.

I actually can't wait for my gym to open on the 5th. I'll probably be there checking it out on the first or second day. I honestly feel like weight training might be something I can stick at. Whenever I've gone to the gym before I've always tried cardio and hated it and felt useless at it. Cardio is a thin person's game. But weight training. Weight training is anyone's territory. You can look at some of the best weight lifters in the world and most of them aren't teeny tiny little things. They are proper people who are well build but in the right way. I also can't wait to start as I know by doing weight's I will increase my strength which will only help me in my job.

Hopefully, I'll be in ketosis tomorrow although as long as I don't stop feeling like this going into it isn't too bad!

In Shock

Currently I'm in shock. I have just realised how truly large I really am. As an explanation, I was looking on an internet forum and one girl was asking if her thighs were large for her size (8-10). Due to this people of a similar size were posting posting their measurements.

The measurements for the average size 8 seemed to come out as:

Chest - 33"

Waist - 25"

Hips - 33"

Thighs - 21"

Calves - 14"

That would mean for me to be a size 8 I would need to LOSE:

Chest - 15"

Waist - 24"

Hips - 20"

Thighs - 9"

Calves - 6"

Just seeing that in black and white has really really shocked me and made me realise how much I need to lose this weight. I can't believe what I have done to myself, however, I am now more determined than ever to get my stats down for the last time.